Alternative Uses for Your Red Gown

In my first year, I, like many people, purchased a red gown. As the end of fourth year looms, each time I catch sight of it, gathering dust and taking up wardrobe space, I wonder what to do with it. Sustainability is certainly a primary concern, so here are some suggestions for how to reduce, reuse and recycle this iconic garm.

1. Sell it to an unsuspecting younger student for a profit

First, make sure you’re a member of a ‘St Andrews Class of’ Facebook group, the more recent the year the better. Price it optimistically and block any friends who might laugh react — you don’t want to put off potential buyers. If you don’t possess the necessary business acumen/dishonesty, ask your econ friends for tips.

2. Use it as a skydiving parachute

The best years of your life are coming to an end, and what better way to celebrate them. As you fall through the air, reflect on the decisions which have led you to this point and dispel your fears about the future by focusing on your fears about facing the oncoming ground.

3. Make it into something mediocre

You may have seen crafty TikTokers upcycling secondhand items to turn them into something (usually) better. Even if you have no previous sewing experience, you should still give this a go. Then tearfully deposit your pathetic attempt at a skirt and ruined gown in the bin afterwards.

4. Wear it constantly for attention

This strategy is best employed in a place that isn’t St Andrews, or people might try and get a tour.

5. Use it as a blanket on those cold, cold nights

Apparently there’s going to be an energy price hike (again), so maybe it isn’t the best time to part with the warmest item of clothing you own. Alternatively, to supplement your income to be able to afford your energy bills, see option #1.

6. Keep it forever as a treasured reminder of the best years of your life

I suppose.